Two Kisses Too Late

Time that heals all wounds with time
With time has brought me wounds.

I married a man
A man I can behold
A man that can be held
But now all I have of you
Is sound
Early when the sun yawns
The sound of your shadow
Creeping out of bed
Being careful
Not to awaken an awoken woman.

It is sound
The sound of you in the shower
Whistling under your breath
The sound of you combing your hair
Fetching your car keys
Leaving for your important job
While the janitor still snores.

It is midday
I called your office
But all I got was sound
A recorded sound of you
Asking I leave a message
So I left a message
I always do
I always have to.

Hours after the sun went to bed
The sound of you driving in
Your car headlamps dancing
On our bedroom blinds
Mocking my mind
The sound of you creeping into bed
Careful not to awaken an aching woman
The sound of you snoring all night
After a tired all day
And few hours later
The sound of your alarm clock
Handing to you the terrible baton
As the vicious cycle recycles.

I married a man
Who now doesn’t know
How his house looks by day
Who has become a stranger
To the warmth of his own walls
Who walks towards the balcony
When he wants the store
Who remembers my birthday
Every other year
Who keeps forgetting
His daughter’s age
Or her class in school.

I’ve waited, I’ve pleaded
I’ve wished things would revert
To the time we first met
Now all I have to hold
Are stale memories of old
When we ate breakfast in bed
And together shared the bath
The shadows of the times
Four o’clock was end of work
And every weekend a blessing.

I’ve bled in my mind
Day, noon and night
Hoping for a miracle at hand
But you were lost
Lost in your work
Lost in your thoughts
Lost in your world
You alone without us
Protecting your faults
You tell me
How you work for us
But you don’t see the irony
Of how your work
Has taken you from us
You found completeness outside us.

I have bled for you
With tears like a flood
I’ve prayed for you
Till I lost my voice
Till it became obvious
The sound I now have
Will never again become a man
The man I loved.

Then one day
Like the sky
After the rain
The scales cleared
Off your eyes like a veil
When you lost the job
That stole you away from us
Your important job
They made you think
You alone can do.

That Tuesday in August
You trudged in torn and worn
One look, I knew all was wrong
Your eyes already convicted you
You knelt at my feet
Held my hand
Looked longingly
Into my eyes
Pleading with your eyes
You rose
Kissed my forehead
And the back of my palm.

Then memories came flooding back
When last did you hold me that way?
You told me how you still love me
How much you are sorry
But my tears flowed like a stream
When my love had turned asleep.

Already my mind was made
I had a lot on my mind
A lot to let you know
But you were never around
To hear my heart.

A lot had changed
But you were too busy to see
How I no longer called
To ask where you were
How I no more stayed awake
Each time you came back late
How I’ve been searching for hope
In places that are cold.

You are not the only sorry one
I’ve been sorry
But you never listened
You are not the only guilty one
Each day I looked so guilty
But you never noticed
You are two kisses late
For my mind is made.